States of Confusion: Or Why I Am an Anglican Anabaptist Reformed Liberation Mystic

I would say that over the past few years I’ve dealt with some serious things in my life.  However, be them spiritual, psychological, emotional and or physical issues I would never say that I have experienced a “crisis of faith.”  Recently during my exodus from Arizona to my home state of Virginia, I’ve had many people inquire as to whether I still believe the same things I once professed.  For lack of a better explanation, I have always answered yes because I still believe the Apostles’ Creed and the Nicene Creed (although I will admit it doesn’t matter all that much to me whether the Spirit proceeds from the Father or the Son).  At the same time though, I find myself bouncing off the walls of theological and spiritual inquiry. 

For at least the last four years, I have heavily identified with Reformed (read Calvinist) theology.  I’ve taught classes at churches on theology, church history, comparative religion, and Postmodernism largely without encountering any cognitive dissonance in regards to what I believe.  I’ve always been open minded when it comes to theology because I usually just gravitate towards what seems to make the most sense.  That said, most of the people around me have not afforded themselves such luxury.  My uber-Reformed friends make a point to Tweet about every little thing they hear that bolsters neo-Calvinism and puts down “weak” theology (weak=feminine, abstract, or liberal).  Meanwhile I’m reading anything I can get my hands on and trying my best to take it all in.  My recent reading list has included, but is not limited too:

• The New Testament and the People of God by N.T. Wright
• The Politics of Jesus by John Howard Yoder
• A Theology of Liberation by Gustavo Gutiérrez
• Anarchy and Christianity by Jacques Ellul
• The Peaceable Kingdom by Stanley Hauerwas
• Strength to Love by Martin Luther King, Jr.
• Various books by Henri Nouwen
• The Violence of Love by Oscar Romero
• Ethics by Dietrich Bonhoeffer
• The Kingdom of God is Within You by Leo Tolstoy

I will fully admit that this list is probably not as diverse as it could be, but it does not comprise every book on theology I have ever read, just those I’ve read recently.

So what am I to do with what I’ve learned?  My first thought was to use my learning to educate those around me and strive for unity and discussion among believers (and I haven’t necessarily abandoned this initial thought completely).  But recently everywhere I turn I find people striving for exactly the opposite.  Don’t believe me?  Go on Twitter and search for Rob Bell.  Just the release of the title of his new book has made some people lose their minds!  Now I’ve been a rather outspoken critic of Mr. Bell in the past, but really people? At least I waited until I had a chance to read his book before I disagreed with him.  The Bell controversy is an obvious one.   Next, Google “N.T. Wright and John Piper.”  Read a few blogs and you will see that Piper seems to be pitting himself against Wright over what some would argue is a semantic argument.  Some crazies have almost asserted some sort of Matthew 16:19 argument insisting that Wright’s different view of justification threatens to release all Christians from assurance of salvation. 

I do not write this post to contribute anything to the discussion other than this.  The more I know, the more I know how much I do not know.  I plan on expounding upon this further, but I’d love some initial feedback.

Why pluralism is a good thing...

If you know me well, or have ever spent more than four minutes with me, you probably understand that I have opinions. I have strong opinions on theology, music, books, sports, regions of the United States, and various other subject areas. More than that, I love sharing my opinions; and when I say sharing my opinions, I really mean trying to convince you that my opinions are in fact, correct.

As a lover of music, books, sports, the southeastern United States, and a multitude of other frivolities, I am fully alright with the fact that people with disagree with me. Not everyone has my taste in everything, and while I may still try to convert you love the books of Kurt Vonnegut, I am still able to sleep at night knowing that some do not. However, when it comes to religion, I am far more apprehensive about saying that I am right and you are right. Some of my more conservative friends would indeed say that it is a critical point of the Christian faith that Jesus is "the way, the truth and the life" and the sole path to God. While I do not disagree with that fact, I am constantly trying to understand how such a reality is properly lived out in the world.

For instance, you have your classic evangelical apologist who insists that the only logical stance is to believe in God. "Look at the trees and the mountains and the stars: they all prove the existence of a creator," they say. On the other hand, you have your militant evolutionary biology touting atheist. "God is a delusion and to believe otherwise is to spit in the face of all that science has taught us," they exclaim with much the same insistence as a revival preacher. I am confused by both of these people. I believe God exists and I believe that science explains much of how the world came to be. It is not the scientific debate that concerns me, it is the foundation behind the argument.

I hear Christians quoting Psalm 14: "The fool says in his heart, 'There is no God.'" I believe in scripture, but I am not sure that all the atheists in the world are simply not smart enough to assent to some theological assertions. Does not Jeremiah 17:9 say, "The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?" I want people to know and love God, but anyone will be convinced to follow Jesus by theological propositions. Furthermore, I think most Christians understand more theological facts than they do existential realities of following Jesus. More "believers" can tell you that God is omnipotent, omniscient and omnipresent than can tell you the names of the widows or impoverished in their church (if there even are any).

I have spent much of my time trying to know as much as I can about Christianity: the Bible, church history, Hebrew, systematic theology, hermeneutics, apologetics, and the works of C.S. Lewis. Often times, everything I know leaves me feeling cold, confused and further from God than I want to be. This is not a confession of doubt in God, but rather a deep doubt in what we are able to know. I am certain about my faith, but I am uncertain about life. Pluralism is a good thing because it reminds me that I am not the only person that does not know everything. I think some of my beliefs are more correct than those of others (sometimes much more and sometimes not so much).

As a Religious Studies major, I often see my colleagues becoming interested in or involved in the Interfaith movement. I am not so interested in this movement. My experience has been that many in the Interfaith movement want to tell me why even though I am a Christian, I am also a Jew, Buddhist, and Hindu. I grow very frustrated with these people because I do not understand why I would want to be all of those things. Such a life would seem to me to be riddled with contradictions. Can I eat pork or beef? Am I only to eat vegetables? Are there many gods who are a manifestation of one or is there only one god, or none? No, I definitely cannot and do not want to be a member of multiple religions. The "all paths lead to the same place idea" is nonsensical to me.

However, pluralism in its cultural sense is fantastic because it allows us to live together. That's a start, I think.